Awkward - Friend or Boyfriend

March 16, 2017

 

Dear Auntie Annie,

 

I have a really awkward situation at the moment and I don't quite know what to do about it. I have a really good friend who I get on really well with. We always have a laugh, we hang around with the same people and he knows a lot about me. The problem is, is that recently he's been acting a bit weird and I really get the feeling that he likes me more than a friend. I absolutely do not feel this way about him at all, and I don't want to make him feel bad, but when he is being like this it kind of grosses me out and I just don't want to hang around with him anymore. 

 

What do I do? 

Thanks - Awkward 

 

 

Dear Awkward, 

 

First thoughts...

Awkward situations are the worst. One of the most awkward situations that you could ever encounter with someone is when they develop feelings for you and you on the other hand don’t reciprocate them. It’s probably with someone you know or maybe worse: with a really good friend. Here are a few tips to consider when you’re placed in a situation in which you and someone else don’t share the same feelings for each other.

 

Firstly, let’s come clean about something. I think we have all come to a day and age in which we ourselves have developed feelings for someone, whether they be big or small, and we’ve wished that they feel the same back. So, keep in mind that whoever likes you is thinking this. In normal circumstances, we usually desire that the person we’ve developed feelings for admires us and sees us in the way that we see them. Understand that as revolting you may possibly see the person who likes you, be aware of the pain you might have felt when someone you liked didn't like you back. Recall that little kick in the gut when the person you fancied rejected your feelings. 

Understand that what you have ever felt or experienced with any form of rejection is what the other person may feel.

 

My whole point is to put yourself into their shoes and recall that like anyone else, they have feelings. So... 

 

How to let them down gently?

Understand that it took them a whole lot of courage to either ask you out or admit their feelings for you. 

 

Don’t sugarcoat. Don’t try to cover up saying “no" with excuses like “I think you’re really nice” "you're my best friend"... While” keeping things nice, you bring their hopes up so STICK TO THE POINT.

 

Don’t say 'yes' when in reality you really want to say 'no'. Because in the end both of you suffer. You suffer because you’re with someone you’d rather not be with and they’re also suffering because they’re being with someone and, spending time with someone, and trying so hard with someone who only gave consent because they 'felt bad.' They don't need your sympathy, if you truly care for them as a friend, they deserve your honesty.  So, don’t say yes when you don’t want to.

 

Also a big no-no is lying. Don’t say anything that is untrue such as “I’m not looking for a relationship” when you are, or that “I’m not allowed to date” when in reality, you are.  Just be honest and say that you don’t see them in that way and just stick to your gut. They will eventually get past it (you're not that irresistible!), as will you. 

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